
Happy National Coming Out Day! It was yesterday, Oct 11. But I will be observing today: by coming out as a heterosexual and cisgendered ally of my LGBTQ+ students, colleagues, friends, family, and readers.
I do not mean to make light of the occasion by shifting its meaning like this. I understand its gravity, and honor its creation in the dark days of the AIDS epidemic.
But at least around here, people like me seem to have backed away from using the unique protections that our positionality provides us to work for our more vulnerable fellow citizens.
And I want to say to my straight brothers and sisters: where the hell did you go?
My fellow educators, five minutes with the appalling data on the increased risks of suicide, self-harm, and interpersonal violence for LBGTQ+ young people should make up your mind that creating actively inclusive spaces is part of your responsibility.
Like I tell my students: the first job of an educator is to affirm the safety of those in their charge. This is 101-level Maslow: No safety, no learning.
If you are not actively interrupting the homophobic and transphobic culture of school—the hallway and locker room talk, not just the classroom talk—you are part of the problem.
This truth does not not have to change your faith, your heritage, or your heart. It DOES have to change your practice to an active, change-making daily approach, not a ¯_(ツ)_/¯ and pretend-not-to-hear approach.
How will you know what to do? Especially if you live in a purple-to-red state like mine?
Well, from one straight person (teacher) to another, this is what I do, and what I humbly suggest.
First: think on the LGBTQ+ people you have taught, known, and loved in your life, and presently do. There have been hundreds, both those who told you about this part of themselves and those who didn’t.
Second: make the list, maybe actually write it down. See their faces in your mind.
Third: thank them, in your heart (or maybe even IRL, if you never have). Thank them for trusting you with their truth–especially if their truth proceeded to ruin your capacity to pretend that their issues are not yours.
And once you have done that—well, act accordingly, on both their behalf and the behalf of those additional hundreds you have not yet met, nor yet had the responsibility to serve.
And what does THAT mean? “Act accordingly?” Well, I can’t know for sure. But you can figure it out!
Here’s a thought: maybe go to the Pride March next June! A friend thanked me at ours for marching, “especially as a straight person.” Why? It is literally the least I can do, and you too. To stand with and for.
You don’t have to carry a flag or holler alternate lyrics to “Hot to Go” (though that was super fun).
You do have to stand up and be counted, and swell the numbers, and put your safe and nearly-invisible body between those whose bodies aren’t and those who might do them harm.
Mark it, show it, name it! And I am not perfect at this. This week I finally took the unity flag out of my work email signature. Maybe I am a coward. But we got another email from legal reminding us of the old-and-new rules governing “political activities and employees,” and for the first time it linked to the “email signature guidelines” provided by our ever-vigilant Comms team, which I quote in full:
Don’t promote a personal agenda, including politcal [SIC—nice] messages. If it isn’t connected to your professional life, it doesn’t fit in your signature.
This is loathsome, as I argue to my students: identity is not a political message. Solidarity and safety and peace and love are not political messages. These are humane messages. These are “the world I want to live in ” messages. Aren’t they? As we let identity become politicized—as we let what we know so clearly about bias and its deadly impact become politicized—we diminish in our humanity.
But in this moment, in a system that claims “institutional neutrality” and a news cycle that is keeping the body count of fired professors, a message from legal carries different weight, and I intend to keep this job. So I made the change. I kept my pronouns in there; they are not illegal yet. And I still wear the unity button I have every day since the election. We will see what’s next.
Is this the right thing to do? Is this the best thing to do? I don’t know. I am figuring this out as I go.
But I am still working on it.
And my dear fellow straight folks, hey:
Are you working on it? If not–where have you gone?
Yes, you might think I am virtue signaling. Whatever. (Kind of a charming throwback, that, in 2025.)
And yes, there are multiple identities being punished and erased and traumatized right now, and they all matter. Black Lives Matter. Immigrant lives matter. Womens’ lives matter, as we lose generations of change in their self-determination and autonomy and safety. I admit the zone is flooded, and I am not working for it all the same way. (This week I did get added to the translator list for the Immigrant Justice Coalition, so maybe that can change too.)
But this corner of the vineyard feels like mine—and I see a way through to do something about it—and I am going to keep working on it.
Het/cis friends: Will you?
If not, why not? What changed?
The times, yes; the climate, the laws, the workplace feel, yes, they have all changed.
But has what is right changed? No. Has your love for those friends you conjured up a minute ago changed? No.
Have YOU changed, fellow person who could just keep your head down and ride this out in your ill-fitting khakis, and who could blame you? Maybe?
Well, don’t! We can’t change. Please don’t change.
Our LGBTQ+ dear ones need us not to. Our nation needs us not to.
And down deep: you need yourself not to.
Straight talk!
Happy National Coming Out Day!
Image from Wikipedia. The logo is from the following website: https://www.hrc.org/ https://www.elm.org/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/NatnlComingOutDay.jpg, Fair use, https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=20687252


























